Parents Need to say I'm sorry too

Bad parenting night for this momma.
 I had to apologize to my Randy for screaming at him.

And this is the story:

He had been testing my patience all day, hitting his brother, growling at me when he doesn't want to listen, telling me he won't listen, throwing things, drawing on my kitchen table (after being asked not to a hundred times), kicking my walls for fun(over and over) and a lot of other little things he normally doesn't do because they are "NO-NO's" in this house. He got a time out (in his room) and he started pulling everything out of his closet and throwing it on the floor yelling at me that I needed to apologize to him. I finally snaped, I SCREAMED at him that he "IS A BAD KID". That is HORRIBLE! I then yelled that he had to go to sleep and not come out of his room. He kept screaming, I couldn't even tell what he was saying he was so worked up.He kept screaming and kicking and throwing things in his room. I spanked him, HARD, more then once. UGH SO HORRIBLE. He was hyperventilating and I was fuming in anger at him. It got to the point he was yelling sorry and I was yelling that it was to late for I'm sorrys. He then started sobbing even harder that he wants me, he needs me. I wanted nothing to do with him in that moment I was so frustrated from being hit and kicked and screamed at by him. This went on for almost an hour. All the while I knew I was wrong in my response. I didn't want to admit that to my son though. I didn't want to be wrong. I am the mom after all. I'm felt guilty-er and guilty-er by the minute. I finally calmed myself down enough to let him out of his room. He was apologizing profusely. Randy was telling me "I don't want to be a bad boy any more. I'm done with my bad attitude mommy. I'm sorry. I just want you, please?" I finally softened and I told him we could snuggle in my bed together. He touched my face and sayed "I love you mom!" GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY. I new I needed to apologize, I was SOOOOOOOOO wrong in my response to my toddler son. I looked at him and told him "Mommy should never have spanked you like that son. I shouldn't have told you that you are a bad kid. You are a good boy and I love you." He asked me why I was apologizing.  I admitted mommy can make mistakes too. He looked relieved and simply asked, "So you love me too??" MORE GUILT. "Randy I will always love you no matter what you do and I will work on always showing you love. Even if I am angry"
My son is not a bad kid, he had missed his nap and he was acting out. He IS a sweet, wonderful, kind, loving boy.

I hate that as a mom I am capable at feeling anger at my babies. They are my biggest blessings in life. And they are children. I pray everyday I can love them as Jesus does. And days like today reminded me of how short I fall. I need grace, I need forgiveness, I need Jesus. I hope that despite my short comings and any future over reactions to a situation my sons know they are loved and that we all need grace, forgiveness, and Jesus. Lord, help me!

My Life with Three (kiddos)

Whew, I can not seem to keep up with my duties. The last month of pregnancy was really hard on me and everything fell behind. The house, the chores, feeding my children healthfully. I mean everything. Adie is 6weeks today and I am just now starting to feel enough energy to cook and (sorta) clean. The catch is everything is so gross it overwhelms me and I don't want to do anything. SO I look around and I want to clean but then I start to get into it and there is just SO much to do it freaks me out and I stop cleaning. That of course is a poor response to messiness because the house just gets messier AGH! So to night I am trying to enlist the help of my 3 and 2 year old boys (while wearing their sister) in the cleaning, they get bored quickly though lol. Oh well. It will get done. eventually!

We are back to trying to eat the way God would want us too, with conscience-ness. We need to look at everything we put in our bodies, we are quite literally what we eat. We are so far from where we want to be on the health scale but we are working on it. At least my boys will eat almost anything we give them, especially their broccoli!

The boys are restless lately, we are stuck at home, indoors most days and I am not a very creative momma on how to keep them entertained, boo. So most days we watch hours of Dora, Diego, and dinosaur movies. Like right now, they are watching Dora. Talk about Mommy guilt yet I do nothing to remedy the situation. Like I said I am just now feeling up for tasks so hopefully the hours of television for this season of our lives will not do any permeant damage. I hope to be more organized with getting the boys away from the television by the time Adie is 8 weeks. Wish me luck. Hopefully their brains haven't rotted by then :(

All About Randy:
- He weighs 36lb now
- He is so affectionate--he loves to snuggle, give kisses at random and on request
-He is an amazing big brother
-He cares about peoples feelings
- He has been pretty mean to his baby bro though
-He demands Roberts attention
-He loves to play with Robert ( but insists they play his way)
- He loves sleeping in mommy and daddy's bed
-he will only nap with me
-he wants to hold his sister constantly
-he gets into everything and then profusely apologizes and then does it again
-He is strong willed, really strong willed
- He is helpful
- He got a blanket for christmas. One side is orange, one side blue with cars. He loves that blanket but will only sleep with the blue side touching him!
-He likes balls, cars, and action figures
-He loves the ladies, they are all his girlfriends if he finds them "pitty" (pretty)

All About Robert:
-He weighs 32lb
-He is a a big boy, built like a tank
-He loves to "'mile" for pictures
-He loves to take pictures
-He knows how to work an iphone, kindle fire and the remote for the TV. CRAZY.
-He loves dora and deigo and repeats what the say.
- He will walk around the house saying random spanish phrases from his TV shows
-He is scared of masks and most costumes. Like the chic-fil-a cow. That terrifies him!
- He likes his "babies"
-He is a big baby always trying to get Randy in trouble
- He loves to eat. Anything food or toys or dirt. ANYTHNG.
-He is scared of the dark.
- He can use a spoon and fork better then his big bro
-He loves his sissy but gets bored of her quickly
- He randomly will hit Randy, hard. Presumably for Randy's previous grievances against him.
-He is always saying: "You my mommy/daddy/mamaw/papaw" because he loves us
-When asked for hugs/kisses he plays hard to get

 What a good brother

 robert and mommy cheesin'

Warm day in January. Praise God for random days to burn energy.

Randy choose this outfit for his sister. He loves her.

Sweet baby getting clean

Two of the three of my boys PASSED OUT:)

Our Darling Daughter Adeline Is Here

I am way to sporadic with my blog, oh well.

Our sweet little girl arrived 5 weeks ago now. Crazy. She was 4 weeks earlier than her due date, and 3 weeks before her scheduled c-section. She wanted out out of there I guess.
Her delivery was hard. I had my 3rd C-section. So much scarring, it hurt more moving around this time. She had her cord tied every which way around her. It caused a ton of bruising.  Her one arm was so tied up, it had no circulation. Scary. We didn't know if she'd be able to use it. She can, praise God. She had to stay in the NICU. I hated it, it started our breastfeeding journey off the hard way. 6 days after delivery she was home with us! Another hard part of he birth was finding out we can't have any more children. I have to much scarring and other issues so it makes having another babe dangerous. That totally brakes my heart, we wanted four babes. I love having children. I know I was meant to be a momma and I wanted a HUGE family. I am still processing that information. I guess we will figure out what God has in store for us later. Right now we are just focusing on enjoying our 3 babes!

She is beautiful, I mean absolutely perfect. She is little, a lot smaller than her brothers. But she was early and only born at 6lb 5oz. TINY. She is over 7lbs now though! Yeah for breastfeeding. She has made it through two rounds of sickness in our house with out catching any of it. Another, yeah for breastfeeding. It amazes me how awesome the antibodies (basically a perfect form of immune boosters) in breast milk are, way to go God on that design :) She sleeps well, really well like 4-6 hours straight at night! God is looking out for me with that since her brothers 3 and 2 are BUSY!!! I need all the rest I can get.

Randy is an AMAZING big brother. He is obsessed with his sissy! He loves her and is always talking about how pretty and beautiful she is. He likes to help with dipers changes, picking out her clothes, comforting her and he even tries to help her with breastfeeding lol. He loves holding her and starring at her and telling me God made sissy a girl, he is so funny.

Robert loves sissy too. He gets board more easily though. He wants to hold her, but as soon as you put her in his arms he hugs her and says "I done". Too funny. He hates when she cries though. He says "Sissy, no cry. It ok!!" And he always thinks she needs lotions so she 'mell good!

Daddy loves his little girl too. She looks SOOO small in his arms. It's cute, he looks like her big strong protector. I feel like when he holds her no danger could ever befall her. And our God is even bigger and loves her (and my boys) even more then we do and watching Jase hold her reminds me of our Daddy Gods BIGNESS. Our love is so small compared to His and that is comforting knowing He is watching over our sweet gifts too. Jason didn't really think Adie liked him that much, because she would fuss there for a while when he held her. Not so much any more, she loves her daddy snuggles! If she fusses for me he calms her down, its sweet. I love watching him with all our kiddos but there is something so sweet about a Daddy and daughter. I am looking forward to watching there relationship grow.

The boys are HUGE now. At least thats how it seems since we brought Adie home. They are getting better and better with their pronunciation of words. They are so strong. I honestly believe that they are extremely intelligent, they are great problem solvers!! They still aren't potty trained though :( I am not sure when that will happen. Hopefully they will express desire soon. I'm not a fan of changing three kids dipers!! Oh well they are sweet!

I am trying to get used to being a momma of 3 babies who all need to feel equally loved by me. RESPONSIBILITY! I also need to figure out how other moms keeps there house cleaned and children loved??? It is a learning process but man do I love being their momma! Blessed for sure!

Ages 2 and 3!!

My boys are just a few short weeks from their 2nd ( Robert) and 3rd (Randy) birthdays! I can hardly believe that my first born is going to be 3 already, on September 29th. I mean seriously, when did he get so big???? And my baby is 2!!! That's just crazy, right?

-Randy is sort-a potty training. Sort-a. He wants to some days, other days is it is such a battle. I don't want to force him though. Tears, kicking, and screaming just don't seem worth it. I think it is too negative an association if he is forced. So we take it one day at a time, if he wants to use the potty, he uses the potty.
- Randy's vocab has SKY-ROCKETED. I mean he speaks in full on 4 and 5 words sentences. " May I please have water." "Please may I watch movie". "You can't do that. It mine". " Brother, you no do that, it danger". " I want to go to Maw-maws. Her love me". And on and on the list goes. My current favorite sentence is " Mommy, you looking cool. You looking COOOLL!" How sweet is my Randy????
- Randy loves to make messes, but he doesn't like them to stay there for long. He doesn't necessarily want to pick up after himself though, he wants mommy to do that :(
-Randy is super excited for his Birthday party. Whenever he sees a card or a decoration, he excitedly exclaims," That for my DINOSAUR party?" "I having a party, my cousins are coming!"
- He thinks that he and Robert are turning the same age. I told him he is turning 3 and Robert is turning 2. And Randy's is like, " Well then I two too??". Then I told him , " No, you're 3". So his response, " Then Robert 3 too!". Ha he wont want to be called the same age as Robert soon, so right now I think its sweet that he thinks he and Robert are the same age, and LIKES it!
- Randy's BIG for his age, most people think he is already 4! Agh. He is SO strong to though. He can climb anything, no matter how high or hard it looks. He is unintimidated! He has visible muscle definition. It's crazy.


-Robert is getting big too. Again people always comment on the size of my kiddo and are shocked to learn he hasn't turned 2 yet. He doesn't have as much muscle definition as big bro. But he is getting there. He trys to do everything Randy does.
- Robert is my little repeat. Whatever Randy says Robert repeats. So his vocab is pretty extensive as well. Favorite Robert saying is as he is tickling my belly, he squints his eyes and excitedly exclaims, " Baby-baby, baby-baby" He thinks he is tickling his sister Adie. He always asks "Where sissy at?"
- He likes taking care of his babies ( a fox and a bear). He feds them and gives them stuff to drink. He even wipes their "pee-pees" so they "no stink any more". He is in total baby mode. I mean as much as a baby can be in baby mode lol. It's really cute it gives me hope that he wont hate his baby sister, which I was worried about in the beginning because Robert is such a mommas baby boy. Now I'm sure we will have an adjustment period but I don't think that it will be so bad.
-Robert is so silly. He makes these insane faces that make me die laughing. I will picture his faces, even if he isn't around and just start laughing. He could be a comedian!
- He also loves to hold your face and give you a kiss and then run away. It's a game. He want's you to grab him and tickle/ kiss all over him until he is laughing so hard he can't breathe. Like I said, Roberts favorite game.
-Robert also love to try on shoes. All shoes, his dads, brothers, mine, uncles, maw-maw and paw-paws. He just loves shoes. Its pretty cute. Especially if he gets into my high heels!

We have been gearing up for Adie's arrival in 14 weeks this past week and weekend. Jase painted her room about a month ago and that was as far as we got. But this past week, we refinished the crib, refinished her Armoire. Put together her crib, hung a picture and mirror and shelf. We also hand drew wood letter's for her name, Jase cut them out and painted them and I put them in photo frames with cute scrape book paper backgrounds. I love it!! By far my fav. element of her room. We still have a tree to paint on her wall behind her crib but we still have a little over 3 months before her arrival so I wont push it to hard.

Also, after a year in our house we finally put together the boys room. It looks so good. We painted the walls, refinished some shelving, dyed the old curtains, hung some vintage little boy art, got an adorable goodwill-find mirror on the wall. The boys have been so excited about their new room. Every time they walk into the room they say " I like it. It cool. You paint my room!" It's pretty funny. It makes me feel better as a mom to have put a little love into the room of the little boys that I am obsessed with!

We are a growing family. And I love it, I mean everything about it. Sure it can be hard and challenging, but it is so rewarding. I am so excited to welcome our daughter in a few months, she is going to have the best big brothers and best daddy and a mommy who is completely obsessed with her. It's quite the adventure we have been on for these past for years but it is a wild fun ride!!!!

My How They Grow

Randy is now 2 1/2! I can't believe it! It has literally flown by.
He loves to play with cars. He thinks trains are really cool. He is most content outside running around and digging in the dirt. He plays well with others. He is all boy the dirtier and messier the better! He is a good big brother. He loves animals. His favorite is our cat Bill (the love is not reciprocated). He is obsessed with Dora the explorer, Cars, and The Lion King. He loves to growl like a lion. He thinks he is BIG, not a baby
He speaks in full on sentences. Its ridiculous.
He says things like:
"I big as Daddy, I not little."
" I want wa-ter. Pees."
" I not being rue (rude)."
"You NO spank him (referring to baby brother being in trouble)!"
 " I looooovvvee you mommy/daddy/ma-ma/paw-paw/ braw-der (brother)"
"Those mean dine-sores"-when we watch land before time
" I no want  do that"
"Braw-der, I said COME HERE. I want you here NOW braw-der!"
"Mommy, braw-der doing no-no!"
"I want DORA!"
And he say much more but those are the most prominent sayings in our house right now!

Robert is now 1 1/2! And he is so big. He weighs 30lbs. He thinks he can do everything Randy can. He still has the baby chub. He is incredibly silly with his facial expressions. He has so many different faces you know exactly what he is thinking by looking at his face, it tells the whole story. He climbs, alot, but has a hard time getting back down. He smiles ALL the time. And his laughter is infectious. He speaks in sentences as well.
"WAW-der. Pees."
" I want Cra-ker.Pees."
"Bess you!"
"I want dora!"
"I love you!"
And a host of other sentences.

My boys are growing leaps and bounds and I just want to cherish every little thing they do. They are such a tremendous blessing from God.

God made Them Helpful

Today I felt myself getting frustrated with my two little boys because they wanted to help momma clean. I wanted them to leave me alone so that after cleaning my house actually looked clean. But Randy insisted, "I help, you! I help!" So he grabbed a rag and started "helping" me mop our kitchen floor. Robert immediately wanted to help as well, looking at me with his big beautiful eyes with a question,"i help?" He was looking for me to give him a rag as well. I melted with that question. Why was I getting frustrated with their desire to love me? Helpfulness is GOOD thing(when they are teenagers I am going to pray they maintain that willingness to help). I gave Robert a rag. We made a mess! We flooded my kitchen! But they had fun and they were proud that they "helped" me. And ultimately they floor was clean, a little more water then necessary and a little longer then normal, but it was clean. Who really cares how perfectly kept my home is, if my boys are being perfectly loved? They even helped with laundry today. Granted we only folded one load and didn't even get it all put away, but that was something. And they were proud of themselves. I am just learning that not everything has to be accomplished in the manner I think, I need to include my children, even in the pain-staking(ly) long chores(because of their help). My house could be better yes but my children would be less loved. I choose to love on my babies in all things. I want to enjoy everything about them from their helpfulness to their incredible loud borderline obnoxiousness that is two little boys! I do not want to feel agitated with my kids for being kids. I am supposed be Jesus to them and I am pretty sure Jesus would let them help mop and play drums as loud as their little hearts desire with out ever sending them away or yelling at them to stop. I am going to take their noisiness as joyful noises (unless they are being Rude to each other in which case they will either be placed in time out or receive spankings). I am sooooo grateful for such happy, fun-loving, thoughtful, helpful boys. I mean really how many two years olds and one year olds stop making intentional messes to ask their momma if they can help her clean? They weren't do it to make messes they wanted to help, they asked to help and too me that is God, that is God telling me he loves me and so do my boys! Thank-you God for them best boys a momma could want!

Christmas time Keller style

We had a wonderful Christmas this year. I didn't feel the normal consumerism stress. I mean we spent a decent amount of money on gifts this year. But that wasn't the focus. The FOCUS was LOVING each other better. We celebrated Jesus' birth in a meaningful way. We loved our families well. And best of all my babies enjoyed it. They loved hanging out with their Uncles and grandparents and definitely enjoyed unwrapping gifts!

Christmas Eve was spent first at The Crossing, enjoy a great Christmas church service, then we went to grandma and grandpa LeBeau's house opening gifts, cooking food and visiting.

Christmas morning was spent at our house opening more gifts, and making huevos rancheros gringo style! They were soooo yummy. Not at all vegan and not very healthy, but there have been a lot of health exceptions during the holiday season. January goes back to a little more health strictness. Anyway we then went and spent some time with my husbands family and then we got to see the movie Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, with my brothers.